Illusional Positivity - Unmasking Self-Deception
Kim.E critiques the use of positive affirmations and avoidance tactics in self-improvement, arguing that these methods are often deceptive and superficial. She believes that true emotional growth requires facing adversity and understanding one's emotional triggers and judgments. Kim.E emphasises that personal evolution arises from confronting negative experiences and emotions, rather than escaping them. By embracing difficult situations and reflecting on our reactions, we can enhance our emotional intelligence and achieve a more authentic self-awareness.
Embracing the Chaos: Towards Emotional Intelligence
Not sure about you, but positive affirmations written in red lipstick on my bathroom mirror, or visible sticky notes to remind me of how worthy I am have never really helped me, especially not in those deeply-emotional phases when life conjured up shit storms and threw curve balls my way. I was always left with the notion that such practices, although trendy and rather convincing, are a tool of deception that we use to trick our minds into believing something we actually do not trust on an emotional level. Considering that our minds are an essential part of our being, are we not practicing the art of personal deception with ourselves?
Of course, anything positive we practice while in a peaceful, emotionally balanced state is effortless and absolutely believable. Albeit, maintaining that peaceful state in emotionally triggering situations is the true challenge and where the real practice lies. The biggest problem is that most people do their best to avoid adverse and demanding situations, or anything or anyone that will make them feel unpleasant or challenge their comfortable state of mind.
The most common advice given to live a happy life is to surround ourselves with good people and things, and avoid anything that makes us feel bad. Avoidance has never solved any problems though. Fabricating a comfortable lifestyle through eluding anyone or anything negative creates an illusional reality that stagnates personal growth. We may be living ”the good life”, but we are left feeling unfulfilled in a mediocre, predictable, albeit comfortable lifestyle that we tolerate through personal compromise.
We can all relate to those best-to-be-forgotten interactions that have us wallowing in self-pity and utter despair, or the times we have derailed because we relived a painful memory, or how tortured we felt being around someone we actually despised, but had to pretend we liked. The common practice for such situations is to pull ourselves together and move on, which works well until we lose control and falter yet again.
Emotions are pure energy that must flow in a natural exchange of extrication and reciprocation. Trying to squeeze emotions into some labelled drawer pushed to the recesses of our minds is like holding a grenade in one hand with the pin in the other hoping that it will never explode. It will, and when it does, most people will go through the same process of suppressing the very emotions that need to be experienced.
Every experience withholds the absolute truth and the fervent lie we are too afraid to face. The sweetness that life has to offer is embedded in EVERYTHING negative we have ever experienced and continue to experience. We are constantly given opportunities to evolve emotionally. Avoiding adversity is a diversion tactic that leads to a superficial way of being that leaves us reeling in a naive stupor that further inflates the soap bubble we live in. The greatest deception is not to others, but to ourselves.
So, the red lipstick messages or sticky notes are only reminders, but the true practice is believing those positive messages on a deeply emotional level while facing adversity, much like an anchor in the storm that remains stable and centred while the winds howl and the waters crash around it. But how can we practice such skills or enhance our emotional intelligence while avoiding adversity at all costs and deluding ourselves by only concentrating on positivity? Well, we can't!
The delusion of self becomes quite obvious with our re-actions in emotionally challenging situations or when we find ourselves in the company of annoying individuals that trigger our judgement. Most people would blame the situation or the other person for their emotional re-action as if their re-action was not a part of themselves, but rather a negative aspect given to them in the moment. It is truly fascinating to observe people, their body language and the way they look, or to listen to the words and intonation they use, or to feel the energy they emanate, and to notice how all of that impacts those around them.
Every aspect of who we are is the consequence of all the emotional experiences we have ever had. Our re-actions and our way of being are also the by-product of all the unresolved, painful experiences that have always diminished our sense of value and self-worthiness. When we become the observers of ourselves in interactions with others and reflect on each interaction afterwards, we will recognise the emotional triggers and the judgement we had during our conversation. When we choose to question our negative judgement and understand the emotions we felt, we will be taken on a journey that will lead to past, unresolved negative experiences. Then we will begin to understand that the judgement we had of the person we were in an interaction with actually revealed something within ourselves that we failed to see.
We cannot know where we are going if we do not understand where we are right now. We cannot understand where we are right now if we don´t comprehend, on a deeply emotional level, where we have been. Most of us avoid living in the present and inadvertently ignore the past when we only focus on the future.
The disconnection and anxiety we constantly feel is the result of our failure to remain in present-moment awareness. We fear the inevitable, emotional roller-coaster ride of the past that present-moment awareness naturally brings with it, so we successfully practice the art of avoidance. The demons of our past are the superheroes of our future. We cannot know who we truly are if we fail to recognise who we are right now, and who we really are is always revealed in adverse or annoying situations.
So, if I really wanted to enhance my emotional intelligence and make radical, yet positive life changes, I would willingly move towards everything that bothers me, wouldn't I? Considering that we are all currently confronted with extreme adversity in a world gone mad during the very special, yet traumatic times we find ourselves in, wouldn´t it be correct to assume that we all have the perfect opportunity to evolve emotionally? Absolutely, but most people won’t because they fear who they are and are too ashamed of realising who they are not.
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Time is an invaluable asset. Thank you so much for sharing yours with me.
Kim.E xx
Credits:
Artwork | Creative Writing + Editing | Recording + Editing: Kim.E - IsNotSo.com
Disclaimers:
This article serves the sole purpose of providing the reader with information without the intention to discriminate against, promote or influence the opinions of others.
Kim.E is an ordinary person with a personal opinion, and has written from her perspective and level of knowledge. She considers herself to be neither a professional nor an amateur in any field. This blog is for information purposes only.
Kim.E is not responsible for the accuracy of the information she has researched. It is the sole responsibility of every reader to pursue and explore their own channels of information to either confirm or reject what they have read.
